Thursday, January 05, 2006

...and i cried.

i feel so deeply hurt. actually i never knew i would even care. i didnt know this means so much to me. i never knew a person can have such a huge impact on me. i've never cried because of a person i dont even know. and the person has nothing to do with this directly, but indirectly caused so much pain and tears. i dont know if i am beginning to hate this person. is this a mistake? have i trusted the wrong person?

actually, it's not that serious. really. sometimes they say your best friend is also your best enemy. it really applies to this case.

but one thing is for sure, i cannot look at the person straight in the eye anymore. and i can never bring myself to face him/her anymore. but deep inside knowing it's not his/her fault. he/she is completely an innocent party. he/she didnt do anything wrong. in fact, he/she doesnt even know what had happened. so why am i feeling so depressed now? why am i crying for him/her? WHY?

tears formed in my eyes, threatening to trickle down.

there is no chance anymore. and i can never do what i wanted to do. all i can do is to hold on to the last bit of hope left deep down within me.

is this what they call fate?

i am heartbroken. i am depressed. i wanna die right here. i have no more hope left.

she told me. something that made me wanna die right there. why o why. i am such a hopeless case perhaps. but it's really tragic. it made me lose hope of getting everything right on track again.

it was then that i realized i've made the wrong choice. why. why. is it so hard to follow my passion and getting what i want at the same time?

i hate him/her. forever. the boring thing i have to make do with make me feel even worse. oh i really hate him/her. but can i bring myself to it? it's like killing my motivation. my inspiration. my hope. my dreams. everything. just gone like that.

and people spreading stuffs around makes me feel even worse. because i cannot bring myself to it. or rather, i do not know whether to hate or remains as it is now.

torned.

oh mann. i keep on staring at the website. that makes me sad. is this the end? of everything? but why is it that i cannot bring myself to clicking on the cross?

i didnt know i was that obsessed with him/her. i didnt know. i didnt want this to happen.

why do i end up hurting myself?

back from dinner a sec ago. feeling a little better now. gosh. reread what i wrote and thought i sound like as if i've lost my love or something. NO. i didnt. but i've lost my idol.

idols are meant to be idolized. not crushed. fyi.

anyway. i mei lian jian ren le larh. after this. today's incident.

clarify. if u all dunno what i am talking about... i am feeling jealous k? of the stoopid shinyi nice mel (ex-103 that one) and zhimin. oh and plus man chuo. woah i am feeling so sad.

i dont want to go to school. what if i see him/her again? i'll probably die right there or something.

it's not wrong to idolize.

i guess shall not blog anymore. have finally let out all the sadness within me.

i shall be a loyal supporter. i shall be optimistic.

oh wellz.

Me
_____________________
oneheart
1shin
slyduck
rjc
09S06H
buckle
soccer
rgnpcc[sea]
rgco zhonghu

Likes
_____________________
MayDay
Sodagreen
Tizzy Bac
831
1976
Cheer
FIR
Ayue
Wonfu
縱貫綫
Fukuyama Masaharu
Johnny Depp
and all his movies
CSI NY
CSI Miami
numb3rs
x-files
Severus Snape [HBP]
Agent Smith [Matrix]
Zaizen Goro [GWT]
Harry Bosch books
Pendergast books
Green
Black

People
_____________________

outt nancy serene lau sim joo [dick] yihui [harry] shuhui bernice shihua lena chenhoon crystal mel jingxuan praveena berni vanessa vivian sheryl amy gladys kristin crystal lee alice shimin sherrie loe shinyi michelle ang yuhan litying yanhan divya yiyue [old] (: zhengpei (: chunyue esther huimin jiahui joyce mel sis mint minggy lingg sam serene shuli wanyan X-6AB huuz board huuz blog germz huiwen maple*story keep to the code Achin Forum MayDay official site depp site depp impact depp fan depp zone depp web sparrabeth curiosity freedom s and s eccentricity forget about it terry rossio superherohype x-men forum x-files site x-files all thingsx cosforums dark mark remus/tonks leaky cauldron snape is good csi files gary sinise past my shoulder csi caps csi media csi forensics sMACked miami style david caruso matrix mania

Many Thanks
_____________________
Designed by: Slayerette
Picture from: Google
Hosted by: Imageshack

Precious Words
_____________________
Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Gilbert Grape was Finding Neverland in the Chocolate Factory, pretending to be a Pirate called Donnie Brasco with Scissors as hands. while dancing with Corpse Bride.

I Trust Severus Snape
I <3 Johnny Depp
Ashin and Achin (:

Past
_____________________
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
January 2010

我的另類世界